I remember when I was but a kid, March 8th was “the celebration of being a woman”. Every year we were to bring something, usually flowers, chocolates or something of the sort and give them to the important women in our life, in my case usually my mom, my aunts, grandma, my teachers. I never got a real explanation as to why. It was always “today we men have to give flowers to women…for the sole fact of them being women”. As a kid, of course, I didn’t know any better I let it slide. Yet, it felt weird and rather unfair that women get to have a day “just for being a woman”. Why didn’t we men get any day for us? Weren’t we supposed to be equal? How is this supposed to be fair? This went on for years, and what was “funny” about it was that I went ever so far as to berate women because of it. I would enter into discussions asking why they had that day, and we men didn’t. I’d debate on empty ideas on equality, explaining hoe it was unfair that they get their day, and us, didn’t, so far as to probably even convincing some (men and women) that it wasn’t fair that we men didn’t get a day, probably making them to stop and argue themselves against others for the empty reasons I had. Me? I felt in a huge pedestal, fighting for equality and demonstrating how this world was unfair.
Nobody knew better, nobody knew otherwise. For me, at least, no one told me how wrong I was, therefore I must’ve been right. International Women’s Day was always a day in which we celebrate women for the sole fact of being women and nothing else.
I remember I was oh SO proud when I found out that we had our International Men’s Day on November. I prided on equality because of a trivial day in the calendar, we were celebrated for being men as well!! OH THE JOY!! and then still it hit me… Why?? Why would we celebrate that? Whats so great about being a man? Were they just making day’s for the heck of it? Why celebrate the fact of being a man and a woman separately when, at the end of it all, we are all simply human? Maybe it was due to the fact of being born that way and feel proud of that. But still it felt like an empty celebration, especially to make such a big fuzz about it.
It was only when I went to my University that I finally found some reasoning as to why the 8th of March was celebrated, almost 19 years had to pass for me to understand what was going on. 19 years of me not understanding and confusing whomever talked to me about this day. 19 years of me helping to spin the patriarcal wheel of a society in which women’s celebration day has been reduced to the same thing I now abhor and fight against. 19 years of messaging my (girl) friends, my mom, the women of my family the stupid cheesy lines famous all through Latin America (dunno about the USA or Europe): “For being the princess of everyone’s fairy tale” “to the queen of the house” “to all of the delicate flowers of the world” “to god’s most perfect creation” and all of those crappy, empty lines. Endless flowers and chocolates given out, much like in Valentine’s Day, something expected of me, as a man, to do to all those “precious delicate creatures of the world”.
It was then that I learned the reason behind it, the motive for such a special and important day, and why it should be important not only for women but for men as well.
Today, is a day of celebration, yes, but not simple for for the sake or fact of being a woman, but for the many conquests women have gained through arduous fights and protests in terms of rights and equality. From my perspective, more than celebration its a day of observation and to serve us all as a reminder. A reminder of the hardships women have faced throughout centuries of inequality in treatment and rights. A reminder that the fight for the right to vote was just the beginning on a series of inequalities and discrimination women face every day. A reminder that women in the workforce are still being disregarded, underpaid, harassed and ignored despite them being as (or even more) hardworking than any man. A reminder that representation in politics of women around the world hasn’t reached equality to its male counterpart in the majority of countries. A reminder of how violence towards women, for the fact of being a woman is still present, that there are “650 million women and girls in the world today who were married before age 18”; that “at least 200 million women and girls alive today have undergone female genital mutilation in the 30 countries with representative data on prevalence”; that “137 women across the world are killed by a member of their own family every day.” . A reminder that despite the dangers they face for being a woman, they venture to the streets, that despite being paid less they go to work every day, that despite deaf ears of male politicians, lawyers and judges, they still protest every 8th of March as well as many other days, each and every injustice that has being thrown to them.
Despite all that, men all over the world still and negate all of the protests, the struggles, injustices they face everyday by giving them flowers and stating “thank you for being such a beautiful woman” and “thank you for existing”. That behind that sweet message, the struggle and continuous fight countless women have every day is reduced or destroyed because “they get their day”. It undermines what actually happens to countless other women that still face inequalities, violence and many other atrocities, it hides the true meaning of this day. By ignoring or not discussing the true reason this day exists it paves way to more children, teens, and even adults end up doing the same thing I did, ignoring what’s actually going on with women and the injustices that still happen to them every, single, day.
“Okay then we as men must stand away and let them celebrate and protest or whatever.”
Yeah…no, we mustn’t.
As men, we have to celebrate this day and also observe it with even more detail for it is not ours to take, but rather to become a part of and become supportive of it. This is more evident, given the fact, as history has shown that society has been built through male eyes (that’s called patriarchy), so technically its the society men have created that’s at fault for all of the inequalities. As such, for men this is a day in which we have to become conscious and become ever vigilant of the privileged status we have inherited through years of female suppression, and see what it is that women in our countries are struggling with, legal-wise, security-wise, economically-wise among other “wises”. We have to learn about the history of women’s rights, the current status of women globally. while also learning the accomplishments and conquests, in every aspect, that women have gained through the past year(s), and what’s left for years to come. As men, much like women do, we must acknowledge and celebrate said accomplishments but never forget the hardships they had to overcome in order to achieve them. However, it shouldn’t just be a matter of becoming conscious of these things, though as big as that step for some people actually is, we should do more.
International Women’s Day is a day, in which we, men, must be critical of ourselves, of our peers, on how we are helping or hindering the fight for equal rights for women. Much like me, ’tis (yes I’m feeling fancy, deal with it) a day in which you realize how big of a patronizing idiot you have being for much of your life for being uninformed or simply not caring; for being complicit on how the world for women is. In which we stop and realize that its ridiculous to idolize the man that has many partners and denigrate the woman who does the same. A day in which we realize that complimenting a woman on her looks rather than her hard work is sexist and minimizes her effort. A day in which we stop that friend from making that sexist joke you know you laughed at before and you realize it has harsh undertones of rape or violence or simply because it imposes a negative thing on women and may offend them. A day in which we stop telling women they can’t do something, anything, because she’s a woman (we’ve all done it, good day to realize that too). A day in which we as men can and should stop being complicit, to stop thinking none of these problems concern us, because that’s for women to handle.
International Women’s Day is also a day for men. So as men, let’s celebrate together with women as it should. As fathers let’s empower our girls, not because they are “our princesses” , but rather that they must be stronger in a world where, sadly, it gets much harder for them because inequalities still exist and because they are women, teach them how much women have gained through the years, and what’s still to gain (why not give them that chemistry set instead of that barbie kitchen for example?) and teach our boys the actual meaning behind this day (so that they don’t do what I did). As coworkers let’s celebrate by congratulating your fellow female colleagues for achieving the right to work along yourself. Talk about the wage gap, if they experience it and how you can help. Enable your female friends to reach their dreams, be whatever they may be, empower their ideas. On your own, observe and voice unfairness, we can even participate in protests but as always, remembering that we come from a place of privilege and as such can never truly understand what women go through, be conscious of that (its called empathy!), but we are willing to walk alongside women for them to be able to enjoy it as well, because we know fairness and as such no woman should suffer anymore hardships than they have already, much less as they have in the past….just for the fact of being born a woman.
Last and not least it is a day to bear in mind that all of these things, and quite possibly more, are not to be done for one day. International Woman’s Day also serves as a reminder that each of these things as well as many others pertaining equality should be done daily because all of this is for naught (yes. fancy. again).
So yes, International Women’s Day is, of course, a day for women, but also a day for men, because we have to be a part of it too, we have to become part of the change, for we men are part of the problem, but we can also be part of the solution. So instead of telling them have a “happy day, lovely/sexy” (you should say that everyday to your Gf’s, I think, yeah they’d probs like that, though you should change the last words for your mom, aunt our teacher…cause that would be so awkward), or “happy women’s day”, tell them how proud they are for despite everything that goes against them, they battle through, tell them how sorry you are for the state of women in various countries and maybe a “let’s work together so that we can change all that” and then give them flowers, or chocolates, or both. Cause you are giving them for the right reasons.
Psyching Around 